A SasuNaru Fanfiction
by Zephyras
Summary: Annoyed at cliche SasuNaru fics? Well, you're in good company and this fic is just the one for you. Basically, I make fun of bad SasuNaru fics. Very amusing.


A Sasu/Naru Fanfiction -

SASUKE: (is some age that the author thinks is acceptable to have **sex** which uses the literally tool of **foreshadowing **hint hint) I hate Orochimaru because he is a **child molester**. I have decided to go back to Konoha, because I have discovered I am madly in **love** with **Naruto** and I am going to make him **mine**.

The author puts in a **disgustingly** detailed **lemon**, which ends in Sasuke **screaming** Naruto's **name**.

He leaves Orochimaru's lair. For sake of the plot, Orochimaru doesn't attempt to **stop **him because he is too busy **raping **some random **kid**.

_In Konoha_

NARUTO: I **hate** my life. **Nobody** loves me.

He **cries** and feels **depressed**.

The author then inserts a flashback which involves **random** villagers **raping** and **beating the shit** out of Naruto when he was a **child**.

This makes the readers **disgusted** and want to **throw up**.

The writer then decides to describe how incredibly **hot/cute/sexy/feminine** Naruto is (with the bruises), despite the fact that every **single** person who has read the **manga** knows he looks nothing like a **girl**.

NARUTO: I **miss** Sasuke. He was my **only** friend.

The author **conveniently** **forgets **about Sakura, Kakashi, Iruka, Jiraiya, Tsunade, Shikamaru, Ino, Choji, Hinata, Neji, Lee, Tenten, Shino, Kiba, Gaara…

Naruto contemplates **suicide**, because **everyone hates** him. He decides that he will **never** become **Hokage**. This whole change of **character** is **completely believable** and, of course, **well** written. He is just about to **slit** his **wrists** with a **kunai** when Sasuke walks in. Sasuke is **horrified** at the sight of **his** Naruto about to commit **suicide**.

SASUKE: Don't do it, Naruto!

Sasuke **begs** Naruto not to kill himself because he is madly **in love** with Naruto and not interested in **necrophilia**. Finally, after a horribly **cheesy **and **out of character** dialogue, which involves Naruto **crying** hysterically on Sasuke's **shoulder**, Naruto decides not to **commit **suicide. After this **heartbreaking** scene is over, the author somehow **decides** that now is a **good **time to have some **action**.

Sasuke and Naruto have hot **sex **which would make even **porn** stars **blush**. The author then adds in that both of them were previously **virgins**, conveniently forgetting, again, that Naruto has supposedly been **raped** and that he has **crush** on **Sakura**. The author also decides **not **to give an **explanation** on why they are both so **experienced**, being absolutely **chaste** until now. But it doesn't matter because they are **hot** and **sexy** and everyone **loves** hot **sex** between attractive **boys**. In this sex **scene** they **yell** each other's names, adding suffixes such as **–kun** and **–chan**, which is so **out of character**, readers, if there are any left, want to **stab out their eyeballs**. Naruto is so **submissively** OOC and **adorable** that the author feels **compelled** to describe his and Sasuke's **good looks** once **again**.

SASUKE: I love you, Naru-chan!

NARUTO: I love you too, Sasuke-kun!

They fall **asleep** and **remaining** readers empty their **stomachs** on their **keyboards**.

_The Next Day_

**Tsunade** lets **Sasuke **stay in Konoha the because he is **hot** and they all **love** him. Naruto and Sasuke then go have **sex** in a **janitor's closet** which has just **randomly** appeared. The author then **realizes** that they have **forgotten** to **bash Sakura** and has her walk in on them. She runs **away **crying **never** to be seen **again**.

_A few days later_

**Itachi** comes to **Konoha**, because he is a **rapist** and **wants** Naruto, because he is **hot**. The author offers no **explanation** of why they **think** he is a **rapist**, just that he **is**. Itachi attempts to **rape** a completely **defenseless **Naruto, but Sasuke **saves** him and **kills** his brother. Naruto **cries** on Sasuke's **shoulder** once again and then they have **sex**. **Again**. The entire village **rejoices** and then they live **happily** ever after. Well, except Sakura.

THE END

**A/N: This is something that just wouldn't get out of my head. I got the idea from a fic called: The Ultimate Harry Potter Cliché Catalogue and because I was annoyed at the cliché-ness of a lot of Sasu/Naru fics. By the way, I really like Sasuke/Naruto, but like I said before some of the fics have a really repetitive plot which, as I said above, annoys me. Please Review!**


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